The Children Aren't Allowed To Sing

On Tuesday it was Aslynn’s birthday.  Tony, one of our most distractible and unhappy fifth period students, upon learning this fact, burst into a spontaneous and raucous rendition of “Happy Birthday.”  A few intrepid students joined in.  They got to the end of the first “you” when Laura came crashing down on Tony and his singing comrades.

It was a terrible moment for everyone in the room.  And for the life of me I cannot understand why she did it.  Here was a spontaneous outburst of goodwill from one student to another.  And here was a student who usually brings negative energy into the room, bringing some love and affection for his peer.  But because it was noisy--and because it was Tony, who Laura just doesn’t like--that out pouring of affection was shut down.

And so I wondered, what could have been going through her head.

I imagine that her fear that the class will spiral out of control (not an irrational fear) was at play.  And her frustration with Tony’s total disengagement with the class (which she knows is based on his extraordinarily low skills and confidence).  And the presence of Mr. Darling, the gruff, bearded instructional aid provided to her by the school to help manage the 17 kids in the class who are on IEPs.  It was his first day in the room, and perhaps she wanted to show him how she did things in the fifth period.

How do we do things in 5th period.  Laura smashes their fingers in doors (metaphorically speaking), and I try not to undermine her with my facial expressions.

Later in class, Tony asked me straight out: “I mean, answer me honestly, don’t you ever get tired of Ms. Croft?”

And I could not answer him honestly.  Because of course being in her class daily is extremely tiresome.  I have long grown weary of the tedium and the hostility towards children and the total lack of interest in anything relating to their lives. I am bone-weary of her lectures and her obsession with controlling their behavior, their moods, their attitudes.  But I could not answer Tony honestly because it would have been unprofessional to do so, so I redirected him back to the task at hand: writing down the names of characters she thought were important and a few facts about each character that she thought were important.